To Be, Or Not To Be-
That is the question. No, no it’s not. The real question is whether or not to have a “First Look” on your wedding day. First things first: A first look is where the couple sees each other before the ceremony on their wedding day. I’ll get into some of the reasons couples opt to do this in a minute. But first, take this nugget of advice in regards to planning your wedding day. There are a million people saying a million different things about what you “should do” and what you “shouldn’t do” in order to have a “great wedding”. Do what you want to do. Think about it, talk it over with your fiancee, and then go for it. There is no right or wrong way to plan and execute your wedding. Don’t feel like you have to follow a set of instructions or guidelines in order to have a successful day. You, marrying the one you love, is the ultimate goal and measure of success. Ok, off my soapbox now.
So I am not going to tell you what to do, but rather, list some pros and cons of doing a first look.
(^Had a first look)
Cons of having a first look-
–You’re traditional, and don’t want to deviate too much on your wedding day. I get it. Many couples often feel that if they see each other before the ceremony, it’s going to rob them of some sort of emotional experience they would have had during the ceremony. I’ll address this below, but it’s a valid concern for not wanting to have a first look.
(^Didn’t have a first look)
–You want to wait to see each other for the first time until the doors open and the bride is revealed. It may have nothing to do with the tradition and may have more to do with this just being the preference you two have. That is totally fine and you should never feel pressure to do something on your wedding day that you don’t want to do. Now, I say that with a grain of salt, because if you hire professionals to be a part of your day and then trash their advice and do your own thing, it can lead to other things… If your photographer is telling you that you HAVE TO have a first look, it may have more to do with their personal preference or inability to be flexible. You may want to dig deeper on that one.
(^Didn’t have a first look)
-You have to start your preparations a couple hours earlier in order to be ready for a first look. This is true. If you have a first look, you typically need to be 100% dressed and ready to go two to two and a half hours before the ceremony. This is because if you’re going to take time to have a first look, you typically are also doing it to knock out all of the family, wedding party and couple’s portraits. You’ll want to have 30 minutes to freshen up before the ceremony too. All of this means that you will need to start earlier with prep and if you’re already having an early ceremony, this can lead to a really early morning.
(^Didn’t have a first look)
Pros of having a first look-
-Tradition? whats that? You may be a couple who likes to buck tradition and do things the way you want. Having a first look is absolutely one way to give Aunt Edna a panic attack because “ToU’rE SeEinG EAch OtHEr BefORe ThE CeREmONy?!”
(^Had a first look)
-You get to knock out all of the formal shots before the ceremony. I mentioned this earlier in the cons section, but one main reason couples have a first look is so they can knock out all of the wedding party, family, and couples portraits prior to the ceremony and then join their guests during cocktail hour. This keeps you and your guests on the same schedule instead of requiring you to do pictures during cocktail hour and then spend all of dinner time going from table to table to say help to guests.
(^Had a first look)
-You buy yourself daylight that you may lose if you wait until after the ceremony. Depending on where you live and what time of year you’re getting married, losing daylight can be a real concern. Of course, you always want to hire a photographer who is comfortable shooting in the dark, however, you likely don’t want all of your pictures taken at night. For this reason, a first look allows you to have all of the formal pictures done while it’s still light out. Something worth considering for sure.
(^Had a first look)
-You get the butterflies out before the ceremony. If you’re like me, you hate being the center of attention and the idea of a million eyes looking at you during the ceremony may freak you out. You want to be able to enjoy a private moment together and really connect with the one you’re about to marry. A first look makes this possible and can settle some nerves before the ceremony.
(^Had a first look)
-Your formal pictures are a lot more laid back because you have more flexibility with time. This dovetails with the others above a bit, but having a first look simply leads to a less stressful day. I’ve shot over 600 weddings in 17 years and I’ve NEVER had a couple regret having a first look, but I’ve had plenty who didn’t and wish they had.
(^Had a first look)
Sure there are other reasons for and against having a first look. Ultimately what the argument comes down to is whether or not you really care about seeing each other before the ceremony. I am sure all would agree that knocking out the formal pictures earlier would be nice, but sometimes it just isn’t worth it for couples who want to maintain the tradition of not seeing each other before the bride comes down the aisle. That is what you need to consider first before you think about all the other reasons. If that tradition isn’t make or break for you, the pros typically outweigh the cons, at least in my opinion. I should note that when my wife and I and I got married, we didn’t have a first look. We were not full time wedding photographers at the time, so we did not have the experience we now do. For us, that is one thing we would have liked to change about our wedding day. We got married in Boston in December and don’t have any daylight pictures of the two of us… Rough.
Hold the press- There is one more option for you. You can have a hybrid first look where you are in a picture together before the ceremony, but you don’t actually see each other. This option is popular for couples who want to maintain not seeing each other, but like the look of a first look. You can do it a variety of ways; holding hands, talking with each other, closing your eyes, etc. You can get really creative depending on what you are comfortable with. We’ve done this with a variety of couples for one reason or another and while it does take more strategic planning, we can absolutely make it happen for you!
(^Had a hybrid first look)
Anyway, I know I told you that I wouldn’t tell you what I think you should do- and I won’t. It doesn’t “really” change anything on our end, but it absolutely will have an effect on your day. If you are debating it, and have some questions, don’t hesitate to ask us. As always, we try to be as helpful with the planning process as we can. Whether you decide to have a first look or not, remember, do what you and your fiancee decide and you can’t go wrong.
If you have any other thoughts or questions about what I’ve seen work well at weddings, let’s connect!